Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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