I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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