I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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