nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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