Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
