Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
