went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
