I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
