i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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