You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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