It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
