I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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