12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
