Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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