turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
