I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
