He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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