I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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