I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
