Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
