i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
