The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
