I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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