her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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