i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
