My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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