she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
