I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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