You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
