What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
