You're my little dorito
This girl is more easily done than said...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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