Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
