i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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