come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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