ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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