all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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