If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
