I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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