i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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