Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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