That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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