2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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