He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dicks are not precious.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
