oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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