She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
