I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
