I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
