honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
