I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
