I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
