Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
