Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Four minutes until I can fart!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
