You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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