i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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