He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
