i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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