Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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